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02 May 2009 @ 08:41 am
[015] out of the fire into the storm  
[When Buffy woke up she had a coppery taste in her mouth. It took her ages to figure out what had happen and even longer to convince Clark she was human. He let her out of whatever crazy place she'd been held and she immediately headed to her room with her head down. She had this whole apology thing she needed to do. She'd heard of people going on losses in the Castle even seen Xanders double the trouble thing but she never really thought it would hit her. All the memories and the taste of blood was fresh and nauseating. Of course When Buffy got to her room she realized her journal was still in Angel's. She weighed wanting to have an apology out there with how much Angel probably hated her right now. The truth was she sort of wanted his comfort even if she didn't deserve it so she headed down to his room and slipped in. He was sleeping, thankfully, and since she'd mastered stealth (and probably since he was still healing from her nearly killing him) he didn't wake up. She found her journal on the desk and curled up in the comfy chair Angel had in his room. She found a pen and took a deep breath.]

So I'm more wigged out about this place than I have been since I got here. I don't know why it never occurred to me that these losses could be something other than amusing. It was like one of my worst nightmares come true. I could have killed someone. I wanted to kill people. Thank god there were people there to stop me.
[/end private]

[Buffy takes another breath and bites the edge of the pen in nervousness before she puts it back down on the page.]

Dear Castle Residents,
It's Buffy Summers here, I um .... I'm back to normal. I was on a loss that turned me into a vampire. See normally I'm a vampire slayer. I kill them back home. Well okay, except Angel and Spike but there are good reasons for those. Though technically I did kill Angel once but okay, so not important here. I don't even know the people I hurt and I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't make up for anything and you are free to hate me for the rest of my stay here but I am sorry. I couldn't control myself. It wasn't really me. God, that sounds like an excuse. I would like to make apologies in person to those of you willing to listen. And obviously, I'd like to thank those people that stopped me from really hurting anyone and I'm sorry for any damage I caused you as well. I'm completely human now, I swear. Clark made me prove it like three times over so if you need reassurance you can ask the caped crusader.

Oh. And don't blame Angel, he was just worried about me and what I'd do as a vampire if I got trapped. You see vampires in my world are totally demons but they remember the life of the person. I was a good guy so if given a chance, the kind of evil I could have done could have been a lot worse than it was.

I'm sorry about the stuff I said and the blows. You were right of course, you did change you, no one else did that.

Thanks for helping capture me.

I'm so sorry.

[Buffy closes her journal and wipes at her eyes. She plans on going back to her room but she sort of starts to watch Angel sleep and eventually she doses off, curled in his chair.]