214. TEN answers you don't want to hear.

1. You're not needed anymore.
2. Yeah, so we're legally married.
3. Stop treating me like a child.
4. You're loosing your touch, Slayer.
5. He's dead.
6. We're not friends anymore Buffy.
7. You're going to die alone.
8. You truly are a disappointment.
9. You're too old for this.
10. It's okay to settle down.

Muse | Buffy Summers
Fandom | Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[When Buffy woke up she had a coppery taste in her mouth. It took her ages to figure out what had happen and even longer to convince Clark she was human. He let her out of whatever crazy place she'd been held and she immediately headed to her room with her head down. She had this whole apology thing she needed to do. She'd heard of people going on losses in the Castle even seen Xanders double the trouble thing but she never really thought it would hit her. All the memories and the taste of blood was fresh and nauseating. Of course When Buffy got to her room she realized her journal was still in Angel's. She weighed wanting to have an apology out there with how much Angel probably hated her right now. The truth was she sort of wanted his comfort even if she didn't deserve it so she headed down to his room and slipped in. He was sleeping, thankfully, and since she'd mastered stealth (and probably since he was still healing from her nearly killing him) he didn't wake up. She found her journal on the desk and curled up in the comfy chair Angel had in his room. She found a pen and took a deep breath.]

( Private )

[Buffy takes another breath and bites the edge of the pen in nervousness before she puts it back down on the page.]

Dear Castle Residents,
It's Buffy Summers here, I um .... I'm back to normal. I was on a loss that turned me into a vampire. See normally I'm a vampire slayer. I kill them back home. Well okay, except Angel and Spike but there are good reasons for those. Though technically I did kill Angel once but okay, so not important here. I don't even know the people I hurt and I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't make up for anything and you are free to hate me for the rest of my stay here but I am sorry. I couldn't control myself. It wasn't really me. God, that sounds like an excuse. I would like to make apologies in person to those of you willing to listen. And obviously, I'd like to thank those people that stopped me from really hurting anyone and I'm sorry for any damage I caused you as well. I'm completely human now, I swear. Clark made me prove it like three times over so if you need reassurance you can ask the caped crusader.

Oh. And don't blame Angel, he was just worried about me and what I'd do as a vampire if I got trapped. You see vampires in my world are totally demons but they remember the life of the person. I was a good guy so if given a chance, the kind of evil I could have done could have been a lot worse than it was.

( Faith )

( Spike )

( Angel )

[Buffy closes her journal and wipes at her eyes. She plans on going back to her room but she sort of starts to watch Angel sleep and eventually she doses off, curled in his chair.]

[It's not much of a chore to get by Angel when he's all fluffy feeling about getting his girl back. He thinks this is a loss but Vampire Buffy is sure this is permanent and she's just getting started. All it took was a little sweet talking and a lot of Slayer Vampire strength to get out of the chains that Angel put her in. He wasn't counting on how much extra strength she had because in the end after having to, ugh, have pigs blood, she was mostly healed from all her fights thanks to Angel's need to keep her fed; she'll have to thank him later. It was easy to shove him into the sink and yank free of the chains. He made it far too easy. Hopefully his head wound will heal so she can play with him later but she had other fish to fry. Plans to get at Faith and Spike maybe play with some old friends.]

Chains should be much more fun. [She says it to herself as she makes her way through the Castle to find someone else to feed on. She wants a kill, dammit.]

( ooc )

I've been a little silent. Working mostly and leaving my journal in my room while I spend time with Angel. The whole dino adventure was interesting but let's just say I was distracted by Angel being human, you can't really blame me. At all. So don't go looking at me with eyes like that, people. You know what eyes I'm talking about!

The cruise was an ... interesting change of pace from what I was doing in town; which was construction work. It's a great work out and Xander's a really good boss but it's kind of monotonous. You know?

I'm afraid to ask what's next and I know it was insane with the dino's but ... honestly. To me that cruise was a bit of a gift. Having Angel human for even a day an hour. It's ... I can't put it into words.

And okay, I'll stop being gushy, girly and mushy.

183. TEN ways you think the world might end.

How about I just go through the list of world endings that have been averted and see if we come up with TEN.

1. A very old master vampire rising.
2. The mayor of a town turning into a really big creepy demon that's gonna kill everyone.
3. A Ex-boyfriend trying to pull the entire world into hell.
4. A cyborg type guy with demon parts trying to take over the world.
5. Three geeks bent on aggravating people and world domination.
6. The first evil ever created killing all the people who are meant to protect the world and then releasing crazy uber-vampires to do the damage.
7. A very annoying hell-god hell bent on getting home.
8. A blue guy burning the humanity out of everyone on earth.
9. In LA I heard about the ending of world peace and the sun getting blocked out. Demon, got dead.

and ... um ... okay something else ...

10. Nuclear War.

Muse | Buffy Summers
Fandom |Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[Willow]

WILLOW! You're back. I'm sorry that someone had to tell me. I've been busy working on Xander's construction site and trying to avoid the craziness.

Now. We should probably go over the basics ...

Let me get this straight. I miss Angel and Spike being handcuffed together. HOW DID I MISS THAT? Xander why was I working while this was happening. I was sweating and still cute with my pink construction hat and putting all my strength into the project and I missed Angel and Spike handcuffed?

[Buffy will not admit that she's had certain fantasies about such things ever. It's a little weird since those fantasies don't include this Spike, since he's not her Spike.]

I need a cell phone or something so someone can tell me when things like this happen. I don't like lugging the stupid journal around with me. There's always so much coming out of it from people I don't know.

What else have I missed while I've been an awesome worker Bee?

171. TEN different things you want to say to ten different people

1. Killing you was the best and most empowering thing I could have ever done at that point in my life. You were a menace. Screw prophecies.
2. Being in love and loving someone are two different things; it was never the way you wanted it to be.
3. I think about you every single day, how I failed you.
4. You were like a father to me and you betrayed me but I can't stop loving you no matter how hard I try because without you I would have died a long time ago.
5. You gave me a reason.
6. I've never loved anyone so much in my whole life and I never will, there aren't really words to describe us and I have to believe that one day we'll figure it all out and make things work. I'll probably be old and saggy by then though because you're a big dummy sometimes.
7. Loosing you was the hardest thing that's ever happened to me and I miss you so much, every day.
8. You are my hero and you have been since the start, you have no idea how strong you really are.
9. Without you my life would be so much less than it is now.
10. I never gave you the change you deserved. I really hope you're happy now.

Muse | Buffy Summers
Fandom | Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Now that I'm a construction worker again, this time let's hope successfully, do I get to whistle at hot people walking down the corner and chug beer while wearing my pink hat?

Oh, I should get a shiny lunch box.

[Buffy is just being random, possibly bored, feel free to laugh at her or offer up suggestions on her lunch box, she wants something cute but practical. She's also trying not to laugh about Faith going blonde and Angel becoming a eunuch, she's just not going to mention it outloud, she's laughing on the inside.]

[Buffy's been rather quiet lately, she was along for the ride with the insanity of the torturous week of ... well craziness. She's thought this whole place had started to make sense and then ... well that happened, people went all crazy (not that it's uncommon in her world) and more weird things began to happen (again, not uncommon) she fought (does she need to say it again?) and now things are ... well weird again. Not to mention the hearts and Angel and well that got sidelined by the big black ... whatever it was ... now she's just exploring the grounds of the town ...]

Let's see, what is there to do outside of the castle, besides Caritas and The Magic Box II?

[She kicks a rock with her stylish yet affordable looking boots and continues looking around.]


[open]

170. TEN things on your to-do list.

1. Convince Dawn to move to LA.
2. Let Dawn convince her boyfriend to move to LA.
3. Pretend things aren't weird after the ER visit.
4. Clean all shellfish out of house for their next visit.
5. Slay that Kesslar Demon.
6. Call Dad back and resist telling him to go to hell - again.
7. Collect the research Andrew sent and try to make sense of it.
8. Ignore Valentines Day. Vampires don't like chocolate.
9. Apply to UCLA to finish degree.
10. Kicky the assy

Muse | Buffy Summers
Fandom | Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[Buffy's lying on her bed, talking to herself mostly because she forgets that the journal automatically just puts it all out there for everybody to read. She's done the hermit thing again after Carita's. But it was a fun and interesting night.]

I have to admit there are somethings I miss about the real world. Everyone knows I like being bossy and I can't really boss anybody around here. Well I could but then there would be alienation and all kinds of badness to follow. No hundred slayers to give assignments too. The gym is great, I'm totally staying on top of my game.

It's weird though, having Spike here and him being that totally different Spike that pretty much disgusts me even to this day. If he weren't so helpful sometimes ... Ugh. Same old story. Then there's Angel and he's brooding and alone and loosing things still. And it's weird, it's like the past hangs over us all the time and we only remember the bad things or the complicated ones.

Wow, I'm talking to myself. Again. Usually this only happens while slaying. I barely know what to do with myself anymore. At least Xand and Willow are here ...

[Suddenly she remembers that the journal will just take down everything she says, she panics ...]

No no ... um erase! Um! Stop! Um! Dammit!

[Very delayed reaction to the power surge but it didn't freak her out so much as got her thinking about things and this place. She hasn't really been out of her room except to see people she actually knows so she figures there are a whole heck of a lot of people she doesn't know around here and grown ups are suppose to be social - she thinks. So Buffy finally gets dressed, and who knew a killer pair of vintage jeans and that really pretty lacey top like the one she saw in a window in Italy would just be hanging in her closet? No complaining. She heads out of her room which is becoming more like a cave for her to hide in and she left cave-buffy in college. She leaves the journal behind and just braves the castle alone.]

I wonder what it takes to actually get people to talk to you around here. Talking to myself seems to work. Sometimes. I'm good company. [Yes, she is talking to herself and passing by people (probably) who are into their own things and for some reason she's got a temporary bought of shyness, hopefully it's not one of those random losses people keep talking about. Probably not.]


[ooc: OPEN! Buffy's trying to branch out and I'm new at all this so I didn't just want to jump onto other people's threads yet so if you're in the mood to converse/meet the buffster (or re-meet her if you've met the past ones) then go ahead. I'll be around most of the day unless something comes up, which doesn't look like it'll happen.]

[she drums her fingers against her knees in an uneven rhythm, mulling over her thoughts - over and over again because it just doesn't make sense. Buffy stands and crosses her arms looking in the mirror. It felt like that time she was looking for horns. She starts to pace and then goes over to the journal and starts to write.]

I know, I know. I've been anti-social but apparently ... I have a sister. That I don't remember. What else should I know?

[she sighs and drops the pencil and moves back over to the bed, plopping down un-gracefully.]

[Oomf]

Alright, I should work on the landing, usually I'm really good at that, could be the alcohol.

[She stands straight and looks around.]

Okay, is this a ... castle? It's nicer than Dracula's he totally had a spider problem and don't get me started on Glory's tacky and tasteless monstrosity, how no one noticed two random castley mansions in Sunnydale in the same year just completely baffles me and ... I'm rambling.

[She leans down and pulls Mr. Pointy out of her boot. Buffy clears her throat.

Okay, whoever is playing this stupid little put the slayer in a maze type game needs to come out and face the stake. I was suppose to be meeting up with my doppleganger to check up on the Immortal issue and that stupid nightclub was really loud and someone stepped on my boot!

[She sighs.]

Hello? Evil doer? I'm getting bored.